Going back to work....happy but sad.

Man 2 months and 1 week. Thats how old Elem is today and it seems like that number would never get here, but at the same time it seems like it got here too fast. I cant believe Elem is already that old, and that he is getting bigger and doing new things every single day it seems. But at the same time that seems like such a young age and not near old enouhg for me to be going back to work already. I am so so sad. I do not want to leave my little man at home. But at the asme time, I am so so excited because I am starting my new job. WAt the shelter and I am going to be helping sooo many kids that need it. And I know Elem is going to be coming up to the daycare here in like a couple of weeks but oh my goodness oh my goodness. It can not be here already!!! What happended to all that monther son bonding time. Where did it all go and why does it have to be over. For the entire day at least???

I have got to get myself ready for tomorrow so I thought writing about it might make it a little easier. I am so sad and I know I will cry as soon as I drop Elem off tomorrow morning. Its a sad day for me but also a new begining -a happy one, but I am just torn at what emotion to follow right now. I know in the end its going to work out for the best for our family , Ill have my new job, Elem will be at work with me, Seth will be good knowing he is there with me. But tomorrow it just seems unreal. So I am taking him to Paul and Phyllisis-Seths parents tomorrow and they will keep him all day. Then my mom should be here tomorrow night and she is going to take care of him thhe rest of the week. yay! So I am not worried about either of them atching him. I know they will do a great job. Its just that no one knows his little schedule, or what his cries mean, or what he needs when he looks at you a certain way, or how he likes his diaper changed, or how he likes to lay when he takes his nap. Its like there are soo man things to think about that I never thought about every single day that I have been home taking care of him. And do not know how I am going to tell them everything to do for him all day., Geez and I do not know if I will be ablt to keep from calling every two seconds! Whats a moom to do??

Oh man and then not only am I nervous and so sad about leaving Elem just in general, but also the breastfeeding. I have to make sure that everyone has enough frozen or thawed milk/ So far I have about 175 oz or so, so I should be good to goand be able to pump enough during the day to make up for just about all the feedings that he takes during the day, but there in lies my problem. I have been pumping or breastfeeding like every two hours throughout the day. Now when I go to work, i am only probably going to have about 5 minutes every few-3-4 hours to pump. The thing is, is that we are already tight staffed and its really hard when you are in daycare business, to aeven take a bathroom break. If you think about it, you are always responsible for so many kids. And you just cant up and leave them to go pump. So I am worried that I am not going to have enougfh time to do that and I am going to leak everywhere!!!

We also have a field trip to the childrens meusem and I hope I can pump whlile I am therer . haha. Its crazy, a year ago this time I was wondering what kind of drink I should order during happy hour and now I am wondering if my little boy is going to make it through the day without me and i I can have enough time to pump throughout the day. where did this year go?? And I hope I make it through tomorrow.

I know I am way way behind on two month pics and the two month milestones. I swear I will get those up this week. Think happ thoughts and send your positivity my way. :) Ill be needing it. Love you all.