You know what mom?

I have been having some conflicting feelings lately. And mostly over something that should not be affecting me the way it is. All over one tiny little word...and the phrasing of it which has shifted only the slightest little bit. Just not in a way that I wanted. All too quickly the tiniest difference in one word can make a phrase have an all new meaning-or more like an all new feeling behind the word. As a mom, I feel like I waited forever for all the little firsts to happen. To feel Elem kick, to feel him have the hiccups, see him for the first time, first steps, first words and on and on. All of it so meaningful, and exciting, yet all meaning when it starts it is most likely not going to stop. And all meaning that he is growing up, even if it is in the slightest of ways, he is growing up.

Mom.

The word itself is one of the most rewarding words I could ever have imagined to be called. I never knew the way I would feel when I heard Elem say it for the first time. Even though it was more like a "ma-ma" :) It was awesome. And from then on-every single time he said it, it just made me melt. Of course once it started being in the midst of a screaming fit-nobody likes that, but we wont get into that. Before I knew it I was mommy. And it never changed. I loved it. Love love love being called mommy from Elem. It is the sweetest, and one of the only things that can make me smile just thinking of how powerful that one little word is. Okay I am rambling, but seriously it is just one of those things for me.

I am in one of those moments or places in time when I feel and see Elem growing up and out of the baby phase and toddler phase and on into a little boy. Like a real little boy-wanting to do all his own things, wanting to act grown up, having his own conversations, and liking his own things. Uhm, wait a minute that is so not how it used to be-and when I say used to, I am meaning like a month ago! We like the same things, we eat the same things. He needs me. Even though I see him changing and loving the little person he is becoming, it is seriously upsetting to me. I know I am being selfish, but the tiniest things are making me realize that. And with one phrase, I could literally start to cry.

"You know what mom?" .....

Uhm-hold up! What? Mom? what in the world? Why are you calling me mom? That is so not my name. Elem what is my name? Elem my name is mommy and you know that. Don't call me mom. You aren't supposed to call me that until you are in like 3rd grade or something. Okay well not 3rd grade but at least after your first day of kindergarten!!! Ahh, I take a deep breath. All these things rushing through my head. Oh no....he- is -calling- me- mom. Mom.

What's a girl to do. There is really nothing I can do. But of course mention every time he says it, that I want to be called mommy :) And to please call me mommy, but I can only do that so many times a day. And it just isn't the same. Correcting Elem from calling me mom just makes me think about it more. Just the tiniest little change, and my heart is totally missing a tiny little piece. When did he grow up so fast? And what am I going to do with this little boy who I thought would be stuck in toddler land for at least a few more months, allowing me to slowly accept a few changes along the way. I can only hope that I haven't shifted to mom for good-some times mommy still slips out, and sometimes I get a good mama. I am holding on tight to every little last bit, until it is official. I am mom. And he is grown up. Sigh.

Luckily, the last part of that phrase/question brings an even bigger SMILE to my face, than just hearing the mom part of it. So I am focusing on the second part of it:

"You know what mom?"........"I love you" (heart melted) every. single. time.
Can someone please tell me when it went from this:


to this:


Cause I can not believe it!